Golden Rule #4: Know Your Role

Before you teach, we recommend you review our supporting resources:

‍Mental Health 101

Safer Language

Classroom Discussion Guide

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Please note that this lesson serves as a brief introduction to the topic of supporting someone who is struggling with their mental health. This lesson must be used in the context of additional lessons discussing warning signs, coping strategies, and help seeking information. 

Note: One video in this lesson makes a brief reference to self-harm. A content note has been provided and we encourage educators to consider the needs of their students before delivering this content in their classroom. 

This lesson explores Be There Golden Rule #4: Know Your Role.

In this lesson, your students will learn what their role is—and is not—when supporting someone who is struggling with their mental health. They will have the opportunity to hear from other young people who supported a loved one who was struggling, and how in each case they were able to provide that help in a way that’s healthy for both parties. This lesson will help your students learn how to set boundaries to protect their relationship and their mental health. Through discussions and activities that encourage them to make connections to scenarios they may face in their own lives, your students are provided with opportunities to reflect upon and practice what they have learned. 

‍This lesson is designed to be used as part of the Be There for Others Unit Plan. We suggest that the Be There Certificate’s Golden Rule #4 module be used either as a pre-class exercise to introduce your students to the content and skills or as a post-class exercise to reinforce learning. Alternatively, your students can complete the Be There Certificate in its entirety at the end of the unit as an assessment of learning.

Your students will be able to:

• recognize what their role is—and is not—when supporting someone 
• understand the concept and importance of boundaries 
• set healthy boundaries to protect their relationship and mental health

Materials for Lesson 4 of 6

Slide Deck

Golden Rule #4: Know Your Role Slide Deck - Updated ⤓

Videos

Golden Rule #4 | Shayan - Know Your Role Video ⤓

Golden Rule #4 | Kirbie & Estyr - Know Your Role Video ⤓

Golden Rule #4 | Bri & Neta - Know Your Role Video ⤓

Golden Rule #4 | Erica & Liv - Know Your Role Video ⤓

Handouts

Golden Rule #4 | Handout 1: Note Taking ⤓

Golden Rule #4 | Handout 2: Review and A Closer Look ⤓

Golden Rule #4 | Handout 3: Reflection ⤓

Golden Rule #4 | Handout 4: Self Assessment ⤓

Additional Materials

• Teacher computer, projector, and speakers

• Part 1: Minds On (5–10 minutes)
• Part 2: Action Tasks (45–55 minutes)
• Part 3: Consolidation (5–10 minutes)

Note: All parts of the lesson procedure can be found in the slide deck provided.

Golden Rule #4: Know Your Role Slide Deck ⤓

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Part 1: Minds On (5–10 minutes)

Review Golden Rules #1–3.

Address any student questions, comments, or concerns before proceeding to Golden Rule #4.

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Slide 2: Let’s Review!

What is Golden Rule #1? 

• Student response: “Say What You See”

What is Golden Rule #2?

• Student response: “Show You Care”

What is Golden Rule #3?

• Student response: “Hear Them Out”

What are the three key steps to Golden Rule #3?

• Student response: “Listen; Be Curious; Share Wisely”

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Introduce Golden Rule #4.

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Part 2: Action Tasks (45–55 minutes)

Note: Handout 1: Note Taking is optional to support student note taking.

Golden Rule #4 | Handout 1: Note Taking ⤓

‍Slide 4

Show your students the video “A word from Shayan” (0:49).

Golden Rule #4 | Shayan - Know Your Role Video ⤓‍

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Golden Rule #4 (20–25 minutes)

Follow the slide deck to introduce your students to Golden Rule #4. Videos, discussion questions, and activities are embedded within.

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Discussion Prompts

Slide 7: Learn to keep your own opinions and biases in check

What are biases?

• Possible student responses: “Biases are opinions we have about things. They can be positive or negative; if you have a bias about a certain topic, it means you aren’t objective about it.”

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Slide 8: Setting boundaries

What are boundaries? Where have you heard the term boundaries before? 

• Possible student responses: “We have boundaries in the gym; on a soccer field or basketball court; playing games like tag.”

What do they mean in those spaces? 

• Possible student responses: “They tell you where you are supposed to stay to play; a boundary is a line you’re not supposed to cross or an area you’re not supposed to go out of.”

Boundaries in sports are physical boundaries. What do you think boundaries are in the context of a relationship? 

• Possible student responses: “Boundaries in a relationship might mean a rule of some sort; it might be something that you agree to not do or a topic you agree not to talk about.”

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Slide 11: Kirbie and Estyr 

Teacher Prompt: As you watch, listen for the boundaries Estyr set with Kirbie and how they communicated them.

Show your students the video “We’re talking ‘bout boundaries – Kirbe and Esyr” (2:49).

Golden Rule #4 | Kirbie & Estyr - Know Your Role Video ⤓

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Slide 12: Discuss

What was Kirbie doing that made Estyr feel they needed to establish boundaries in their relationship?

• Possible student responses: “Kirbie was calling Estyr too much; every time Kirbie was feeling down, they would call Estyr, but they would call back over and over and leave multiple messages.”

What did Estyr have to tell Kirbie?

• Possible student responses: “Estyr had to tell Kirbie that it wasn’t okay to call that much.”

How did Kirbie initially respond to Estyr’s comments?

• Possible student responses: “It was very hard for Kirbie to hear that.”

How did Estyr reframe (rephrase) the boundaries to help Kirbie understand their importance?

• Possible student responses: “Estyr explained that she needed this boundary because she cared about Kirbie and wanted their relationship to stay healthy.”

What did Estyr say likely would have happened if Kirbie didn’t respect the boundaries?

• Possible student responses: “She said their friendship wouldn’t have survived.”

What did Kirbie learn about support from Estyr?

• Possible student responses: “Kirbie learned that it is important to have more than one person as a source of support; that other people can meet your needs.”

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Slide 14: Bri and Neta

Content Note: Mentions Self-harm 

Show your students the video “Bri and Neta” (2:59).

Golden Rule #4 | Bri & Neta - Know Your Role Video ⤓

Slide 15: Discuss 

Bri and Neta’s story is a great example of knowing your role and setting boundaries. This quotation was Bri’s response to Neta’s request for support.  

• Let’s look at the part of the quotation highlighted in yellow. Ultimately, Bri was able to just sit and be with Neta. What else might she have needed to do that night? What does she mean by needing to see how Neta was in order to know her role? 

• ~Possible student response: “If Neta had been having a mental health crisis, Bri would have had to call a professional for help.”

• Let’s look at the part of the quotation highlighted in blue. Usually, we think having a list and plans are a great idea. Why, when supporting someone, is this not always the case?
• ~Possible student responses: “You have to see and ask what they need. What we think they need isn’t necessarily what they need. Don’t try to fix. Just be there.”

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Activity: Review and A Closer Look (25–30 minutes)

Show your students the video “Erica and Liv” (3:26).

Golden Rule #4 | Erica & Liv - Know Your Role Video ⤓

Provide your students with time to review Golden Rule #4 and complete Task 1 using Handout 2: Review and A Closer Look.

Golden Rule #4 | Handout 2: Review and A Closer Look ⤓

• Have your students work either independently or with a partner on Task 2: A Closer Look.
• Regroup and share as a whole class. 
• Option: For Task 2, assign different quotations to different groups of students to collaborate on. Have student groups present their ideas to the class.

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‍Part 3: Consolidation (5–10 minutes)

Ask your students to reflect upon their ability to put Golden Rule #4 into practice using Handout 3: Reflection.

Golden Rule #4 | Handout 3: Reflection ⤓

Option: Alternatively, ask your students to reflect upon their learning using Handout 4: Self Assessment. 

Golden Rule #4 | Handout 4: Self Assessment ⤓‍

British Columbia

‍Physical and Health Education 9

‍Learning Standards: Curricular Competency 

Mental well-being:

• Analyze strategies for promoting mental well-being, for self and others

• Assess and evaluate strategies for managing problems related to mental well-being and substance use, for others

Social and community health:

• Propose strategies for developing and maintaining healthy relationships 

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Manitoba

‍Physical Education/Health Education: Senior 2

Learning Outcomes

K.4.S2.C.1a

• Describe the behaviours necessary for providing others with support and promoting emotional health and well-being.

S.4.S2.A.3

• Apply communication skills and strategies in case scenarios for getting along with others in a variety of contexts 

S.4.S2.A.5

• Apply stress-management strategies and communication skills for stress reduction for self and/or others in case scenarios related to stressful situations 

K.4.S2.B.2b.

• Identify potential adult roles and ways to prevent potential problems in developing meaningful relationships.

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Nova Scotia

‍Healthy Living 9

Specific Curriculum Outcomes

• 9.11 examine the cause and effect of unhealthy relationships and practise communication and assertiveness skills to confront unhealthy relationships

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Ontario

Healthy Active Living Education, Grade 9 (PPL1O)

Overall Expectations

C3. demonstrate the ability to make connections that relate to health and well-being – how their choices and behaviours affect both themselves and others, and how factors in the world around them affect their own and others’ health and well-being

Specific Expectations                 

C3. Making Connections for Healthy Living 

• 3.2 identify warning signs and symptoms that could be related to mental health concerns (e.g., inability to cope with stress; feelings of sadness, anxiety, hopelessness, or worthlessness; negative thoughts about oneself, others, and the future; thoughts of suicide), and describe a variety of strategies for coping with or responding to mental health concerns affecting oneself or others (e.g., stress and mood management techniques, identifying ways to seek help for oneself or a friend/ classmate, supporting others who are struggling with their emotional well-being) [PS, IS]*

• IS 1.3 communicate effectively, using verbal or non-verbal means, as appropriate, and interpret information accurately as they participate in physical activities, develop movement competence, and acquire knowledge and skills related to healthy living (e.g. Healthy Living: demonstrate, through role play, the ability to reach out with compassion to a friend who seems to be struggling emotionally)

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Yukon

Physical and Health Education 9

Learning Standards: Curricular Competency 

Mental well-being

• Analyze strategies for promoting mental well-being, for self and others

• Assess and evaluate strategies for managing problems related to mental well-being and substance use, for others

Social and community health:

• Propose strategies for developing and maintaining healthy relationships 

*Yukon schools follow the British Columbia (B.C.) curriculum, with adaptations to include Yukon content and Yukon First Nations’ ways of knowing and doing. (https://yukon.ca/en/school-curriculum)