Golden Rule #3: Hear Them Out

Before you teach, we recommend you review our supporting resources:

‍Mental Health 101

Safer Language

Classroom Discussion Guide

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Please note that this lesson serves as a brief introduction to the topic of supporting someone who is struggling with their mental health. This lesson must be used in the context of additional lessons discussing warning signs, coping strategies, and help-seeking information.

This lesson explores Be There Golden Rule #3: Hear Them Out.

In this lesson, your students will learn what it means to be a good listener by listening to stories from young people about how they handled difficult conversations with loved ones. The lesson outlines how to be a better listener by suggesting practical actions a young person can take when in conversation. Lesson activities provide your students with the opportunity to discuss, reflect, and connect to their learning.

‍This lesson is designed to be used as part of the Be There for Others Unit Plan. We suggest that the Be There Certificate’s Golden Rule #3 module be used either as a pre-class exercise to introduce your students to the content and skills or as a post-class exercise to reinforce learning. Alternatively, your students can complete the Be There Certificate in its entirety at the end of the unit as an assessment of learning. 

Your students will be able to:

• use active listening skills when supporting someone struggling with their emotional well-being
• communicate effectively, using verbal or non-verbal means, as appropriate, when supporting someone with their mental health

Materials for Lesson 3 of 6

Slide Deck

Golden Rule #3: Hear Them Out Slide Deck - Updated ⤓

Videos

Golden Rule #3 | Unsolicited Advice (Again) Video ⤓

Golden Rule #3 | Ashley - Hear Them Out Video ⤓

Golden Rule #3 | Jessie & Manvir - Hear Them Out Video ⤓

Golden Rule #3 | Mel & Matt - Hear Them Out Video ⤓

Golden Rule #3 | Be There : Listening Legend #LevelUp Video ⤓

Handouts

Golden Rule #3 | Handout 1: Note Taking ⤓

Golden Rule #3 | Handout 2: A Closer Look ⤓

Golden Rule #3 | Handout 3: Reflection ⤓

Golden Rule #3 | Handout 4: Self Assessment ⤓

Additional Materials

• Teacher computer, projector, and speakers

• Part 1: Minds On (5–10 minutes)
• Part 2: Action Tasks (55–65 minutes)
• Part 3: Consolidation (5–10 minutes)

Note: All parts of the lesson procedure can be found in the slide deck provided.

Golden Rule #3: Hear Them Out Slide Deck ⤓

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Part 1: Minds On (5–10 minutes)

Step 1

Review Golden Rules #1 and #2.

Address any student questions, comments, or concerns before proceeding to Golden Rule #3.

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Slide 2: Let’s Review!

What is Golden Rule #1?

• Student response: “Say What You See - If you notice something is different, say something”

What should you remember to do and not do?

• Student response: “Remember to stick to the facts and don’t judge or criticize; listen”

What is Golden Rule #2?

• Student response: “Show You Care”

How do you do this?

• Student response: “Create a safe environment; be inclusive, compassionate, helpful, and a good listener”

What does Golden Rule #2 look like in action?

• Student response: “Be aware of your body language (pay attention; don’t look at your phone when they are talking) and tone of voice; offer practical ways to help; ask what they need”

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Step 2

Show your students the video Unsolicited Advice (Again)

Golden Rule #3 | Unsolicited Advice (Again) Video ⤓

Display the transcript on the board/screen for discussion:

Caption: “when you vent to your friends and they start giving unsolicited advice”

Voiceover: “Thank you so much for this. Um, it was entirely unhelpful, but I thank you nevertheless.”

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Slide 5: Discussion 

What message is this video trying to convey?

• Possible student response: “The importance of listening, not giving unsolicited advice; sometimes people just want to be heard, not told what to do.”

Have you ever experienced a situation where you just wanted someone to listen and you didn’t feel you were being heard, or that the person was more focused on telling you what to do instead of listening to what you wanted/needed? How did that make you feel?

• Possible student responses:“Yes. It was frustrating. I felt like they didn’t care about me or what I was going through.” “No, but I imagine that I would feel frustrated or annoyed. I probably wouldn’t want to share my problems with them again.” 

Have you ever offered advice when it wasn’t asked for? How did the other person respond/receive this advice? What could you have done differently? What could you have said or done instead?

• Possible student responses: “Yes. I don’t really remember how they responded. Now I would try not to give advice unless they ask. I’d ask more questions to show I want to hear more about how they are feeling.” “Not that I can think of, but now I wouldn’t give advice unless they want it (and say so). I’d try to ask open-ended questions to find out more about what’s going on and how I can support them.”

Why is active listening so important, particularly when someone is sharing a mental health struggle with you?

• Possible student responses: “Talking about your mental health can be really difficult to start with. If it feels like the person isn’t listening, they might hesitate to share with you—or anyone—again in the future, and getting help is really important.” “Active listening is important because it shows the person you care about them, and when someone is struggling they might feel like no one cares.”

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Part 2: Action Tasks (55–65 minutes)

Note: Handout 1: Note Taking is optional to support student note taking.

Golden Rule #3 | Handout 1: Note Taking ⤓

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Golden Rule #3 (20–25 minutes)

Follow the slide deck to introduce your students to Golden Rule #2. Videos, discussion questions, and activities are embedded within.

Slide 7: A word from Ashley

Show your students the video “A word from Ashley” (0:42).

Golden Rule #3 | Ashley - Hear Them Out Video ⤓

Discussion Prompts

What is an “open-ended” question?

• Possible student responses: “An open-ended question is one that can’t be answered with yes or no.” 

Why are open-ended questions helpful when engaging in a conversation with someone who is struggling with their mental health? 

• Possible student responses: “Open-ended questions allow someone to talk freely about their feelings and what they are going through, which helps the listener understand what is going on; sometimes people feel better after talking about what they are going through, and an open-ended question can encourage them to talk; they show the person that you care about hearing what they have to say.”

Slide 8: You’ve opened up the conversation, now let them speak! 

Discussion Prompts

How can you tell when someone is REALLY listening to you? What does active listening look like? What does it feel like? 

• Possible student responses: “You can tell someone is listening if they are looking at you instead of their phone; it looks like asking questions and not interrupting or talking about yourself; it feels good, like you are important and they care about you; it feels like what you say matters.”

How does it feel when you don’t think someone is truly listening to you?

• Possible student responses: “It’s frustrating; annoying; It feels like they don’t really care about me or what I’m saying.”

Slide 10: What do you think?

“People love to talk but hate to listen. Listening is not merely not talking, though even that is beyond most of our powers; it means taking a vigorous, human interest in what is being told [to] us. You can listen like a blank wall or like a splendid auditorium where every sound comes back fuller and richer.”  

Discussion Prompts

What do you agree and/or disagree with in this quotation? 

• Student responses will vary widely ‍

How is this quotation relevant to students inside the classroom? Outside the classroom?

• Possible student responses: “Inside the classroom this could relate to listening to the teacher give a lesson. Sometimes students are not really listening as well as they could.” “Inside the classroom could mean how well you listen to classmates as well, like in group discussions. Conversations are always better when people really listen to each other.” “Outside the classroom, this is relevant to any conversation with a friend or family member. Sometimes when you’re talking to someone it feels like you’re talking to ‘a blank wall’.”

What idea(s) can you take away from this quotation to help you be a better listener when in conversation with someone who is struggling with their mental health?

• Possible student responses: “It’s really important to listen to somebody the way it is described at the end of the quotation—‘like a splendid auditorium’—all the time, but especially if they are sharing something personal like a mental health struggle.” “If someone is sharing about their mental health, you want to show ‘a vigorous, human interest’ in what they are saying. That’s one way to show you care.”

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Slide 13: Jessie and Manvir 

Teacher Prompt: As you watch, listen for all of the ways Mani was able to “be there” for Jessie. 

Show your students the video “Jessie and Manvir” (2:19).

Golden Rule #3 | Jessie & Manvir - Hear Them Out Video ⤓

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Slide 14: Discuss

What did Mani say his job as a friend was?

• Possible student responses: “Manvir says his job as a friend was to just sit and absorb and just see what’s going on and take it all in.”

In what ways was Mani able to “be there” for Jessie? Think about each of the Golden Rules we have learned so far (Say What You See, Show You Care, Hear Them Out) 

• Possible student responses: “He noticed something was going on and asked if she wanted to hang out and asked what was going on; he asked open-ended questions and validated how she felt; he asked follow-up questions; he focused on trying to understand what she was going through and her perspective rather than making assumptions.”

Mani says,‘Just listening can be hard sometimes’.” Why do you think active listening can be so difficult sometimes?

• Possible student response: “Sometimes it’s hard to just listen because you want to help the person by giving advice.”

If you feel the urge to interrupt, what are some ways you can stop yourself and keep focused on listening? 

• Possible student responses: “You could remind yourself it’s not about you; remember that listening is helping; remember that listening shows you care.”

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Slide 17: Mel and Matt

Content Note: Mentions Suicidal Ideation

Teacher Prompt: As you watch, listen for what it was like for Mel and Matt to live in a small town while struggling with their mental health.

Show your students the video “Mel and Matt” (2:46).

Golden Rule #3 | Mel & Matt - Hear Them Out Video ⤓

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Slide 18: Discuss 

Why was the small town experience difficult for Matt with respect to struggling with his mental health? 

• Possible student responses: “He said he felt isolated; there was no communication about mental health; there was no psychiatrist in town (that they were aware of).”

Why do you think Matt felt comfortable opening up to Mel? What was it about her and/or their friendship that made him feel like he could talk to her?

• Possible student responses: “They trusted each other; he said there was an atmosphere of no judgement; he knew she cared about him.”

How did Mel show she cared for Matt?

• Possible student responses: “Mel showed she cared by asking what she can do to help/what would make things easier for Matt; asking if he needed a friend or a coffee date.”

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Activity: A Closer Look (20–25 minutes)

Provide your students with time to independently reflect upon and answer questions about the two stories using Handout 2: A Closer Look. Note that transcripts have been included for student reference.

Golden Rule #3 | Handout 2: A Closer Look ⤓

• Ask your students to work with a partner or small group to share their answers.
• Regroup and share as a whole class. 

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Optional task to support literacy: 

Ask your students to answer A Closer Look, Question 1 in paragraph form. 

• The chart provided can be used as part of your students’ writing process work. 
• You can also provide your students with the suggested topic sentence below. 

Manvir successfully demonstrates how to have a balanced conversation by listening, being curious, and sharing wisely when talking with Jesse.

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Activity: Reflection (10 min)

Provide your students with time to reflect upon their personal connections to the stories in today’s lesson using Handout 3: Reflection.

Golden Rule #3 | Handout 3: Reflection ⤓

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‍Part 3: Consolidation (5–10 minutes)

Ask your students to reflect upon their learning using Handout 4: Self Assessment.

Golden Rule #3 | Handout 4: Self Assessment ⤓

British Columbia

‍Physical and Health Education 9

Learning Standards: Curricular Competency

Mental well-being

• Analyze strategies for promoting mental well-being, for self and others

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Manitoba

‍Physical Education/Health Education: Senior 2

Learning Outcomes

K.4.S2.B.2a

• Evaluate the benefits of effective communication skills (e.g., listen actively, paraphrase, show appreciation, criticize ideas, not people...) for getting along with family, friends, and peers in school, community, and/or the workplace.

K.4.S2.C.1a

• Describe the behaviours necessary for providing others with support and promoting emotional health and well-being.

S.4.S2.A.3

• Apply communication skills and strategies in case scenarios for getting along with others in a variety of contexts 

S.4.S2.A.5

• Apply stress-management strategies and communication skills for stress reduction for self and/or others in case scenarios related to stressful situations 

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New Brunswick

Personal Wellness 9

Big Idea: Positive Mental Health

Achievement Indicators

• Assess how listening and empathy support the positive mental health of peers

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Nova Scotia

‍Healthy Living 9

Specific Curriculum Outcomes

• 9.15 examine the negative impact of stereotyping and stigma upon help-seeking behaviour

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Ontario

Healthy Active Living Education, Grade 9 (PPL1O)

Specific Expectations

C3. Making Connections for Healthy Living 

• 3.2 identify warning signs and symptoms that could be related to mental health concerns (e.g., inability to cope with stress; feelings of sadness, anxiety, hopelessness, or worthlessness; negative thoughts about oneself, others, and the future; thoughts of suicide), and describe a variety of strategies for coping with or responding to mental health concerns affecting oneself or others (e.g., stress and mood management techniques, identifying ways to seek help for oneself or a friend/ classmate, supporting others who are struggling with their emotional well-being) [PS, IS]*
• ~IS 1.3 communicate effectively, using verbal or non-verbal means, as appropriate, and interpret information accurately as they participate in physical activities, develop movement competence, and acquire knowledge and skills related to healthy living (e.g. Healthy Living: demonstrate, through role play, the ability to reach out with compassion to a friend who seems to be struggling emotionally)

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Yukon

Physical and Health Education 9

Learning Standards: Curricular Competency 

Mental well-being

• Analyze strategies for promoting mental well-being, for self and others

*Yukon schools follow the British Columbia (B.C.) curriculum, with adaptations to include Yukon content and Yukon First Nations’ ways of knowing and doing. (https://yukon.ca/en/school-curriculum)